What gamers think: Mystery amazing super game delay
Posted by Matt at 12:13 on 18 Oct 2013
Friend, we are in turmoil. If you're wise like me you only use comments sections for your news and fill in the blanks yourself to exercise your sludgy brain.
And today the pig spore has hit the wind spinner, as a glance over these sections suggests a videogame has been delayed. But not just any videogame, no. This is apparently the game to define all games. Let's uncover this together.
First, we turn to the Sony Europe blog. No peeking at the main text. Your brain is starting to ooze out of your eyes, you lazybones.
Lordy, this game sounds cool. Worth buying a PS4 for, all by itself. In another probing feature, I revealed that PS4s are an awful waste of money, so this must be something special.
This was the one game I was getting the PS4 for.
wow not happy . am losing more intrest in next gen as each day passes
Next gen and PS4 are apparently not worth the time of day anymore because of this delay. What could this game possibly be?
Yeah...this is gonna kill a great deal of that awesome momentum PS4 had.
Whatever it is, it must be better than all other games made so far, including the best ones ever made: Journey, Zelda: MM (no not OoT, you're an idiot), Dark Souls, and Road Rash 64.
If we use science on this problem, we can compile a composite prediction of what this mysterious miracle is using the best elements of these four games.
There. Be still my beating heart. Such a work of magnificence would require a name. Moon...riders....scarf...sun.
Sorted. Hang on, I appear to be having palpitations.
Ok, we're starting to get an idea of why people are so upset over this delay. Onwards to the good ship Gamespot to continue our cerebral starjumps.
Good grief what a mess. Not one shade of pink anywhere. And you call this a website?
Worthless console. for now atleast.
We immediately see similar sentiments to those expressed previously. MR: TtS's delay is truly a global crisis.
the ps4 launch lineup is dead in the water
LMAO another one bites the dust! XB1 is the better launch system, PS4 has no games.
The absence of this title is such that it has apparently created a temporal vortex into which all other PS4 games have been sucked. Could we be next? This reporter thinks 'yes.'
So there's going to be no next-gen games coming this year then?
Michael Paul Vastano
And even if other games still existed, they may as well not do after we have beheld such true brilliance, only to have it snatched away from us.
Why don't we just delay EVERYTHING!
Don't you get it, Sony? The human race needed this game.
SONY letting everybody down again...
Bastion of good intentions, Eurogamer, is next on our journey.
Ok yes, we're starting to get more information. In an effort to save us all from oblivion, Sony have attempted to plug the Moon Ride space hole with something called Contra: ST. I looked this up.
IMO Contrast is an insultingly bad replacement.
What the fuck. Where's the scarf? Sony have truly lost it. The ST stands for Sucky Trash I've decided.
Woah, woah, woah...cars? This changes everything.
Even one car and one track would have went some way to softening the blow for people looking forward to this.
Perhaps more disturbing though is that even just one of these amazing new cars would be enough to prevent our doom. Just a taste, that's all they asked of you, Sony. Just a lick at your fruit orbs to make the time somehow bearable.
I don't know what your man means by tracks though? Music tracks? There must have been a crabcore soundtrack. Fate is so cruel. I think the moon hole just took on another star mass.
No they can't! They've doomed us all!
omg so much fail can they do anything right lol
(user tragically lost in grease fire)
It was all lies. No such wondrous thing could ever actually exist in this hateful universe. We are deceived one and all. The light is fading, we must rise.
This is that moment where you realise the wool has been pulled over your eyes and Sony aren't as good as you want to believe they are.
Jesus fuck, have you even been paying attention?
Seriously wondering if it's worth bothering at launch now.
Enough chit chat. It's time to test our calibration supercomlpex to see just how accurate our wonderful prediction was.
There have been few better showcases for new hardware than racing games, and it says much that Gran Turismo 6, running on the seven-year-old PS3, currently looks sharper than Evolution's demo build.
But, from what I saw, there's nothing exciting enough about DriveClub to make you want to trade in your old ride for it. Parts of it look really nice, and the feel is spot on for arcade racing, but we'll have to see more to know if it goes beyond what other available arcade racers offer.
You fucking WHAT, MATE
It's a track racing game