Weekly Game Release Roundup

We've finally been shackled to the will of the almighty oppressor Shiznit network. Whips crack as we cower in front of the bejewelled overlords, booming voices demanding we tow the line. More weekly updates, more! You must publish the release schedule with short pithy comments. DO NOT DISOBEY
Games come out on a Friday, why not? Here are the ones out this Friday, for information. You read the words and then make the thoughts and after that, it's up to you. Use the knowledge how you will, I can't be held accountable.
Heroes of Hellas 2: Olympia
Look how sexual this whole thing is. Ages 3 and up my butt. I dunno, man, this whole thing is just fucking weird.


What's she doing with that milk? Why is it so thick? Is she pouring it out of that jug or is the liquid coming directly out of her? And the jug is actually a tube that's attached to her womb like some sort of ancient prophylactic catheter. Shudder.

I mean that sounds extreme but in the context of the rest of this game, it's nothing. The promotional artwork is sort of terrifying. What seedy underworld have I stumbled upon here?


Who is this man wearing an unnecessarily tightly-wound loincloth and loose-fitting cape? What sort of function requires that attire, exactly? In what situation do you need a cape but no other clothes? What awful nappy-related atrocity is he so desperately fleeing from? Why has his right leg twisted so unnaturally inward? And why in all the world are those two tiny men trying to kill him?.



HELLO MORTAL!



I AM ZEUS.



YOU FOUND MY LOCKET.

Uh huh. And your reward for finding Zeus' locket is you get to touch his muscles! No. Actually you get to administer a city by matching brightly coloured baubles in groups of 3 on a board! It's bejewlled guys! We can all just go home now. Thanks.
Weird Park: Broken Tune



Guys I don't know what this is.
Class 67 Advanced & Car Carriers: Expansion for Railworks 3 Train Simulator 2012



Right.
And that's it. Never again.